Theories of Love

So in my 25 years of life, I have met people from all sort of backgrounds and fields....but somethings, some behaviours are common among most of them....based on them are a few theories of love:

1. Board Exam Theory: So when you were in 10th standard and about 10 days before the fate deciding exam, did you ask someone out? or maybe got asked out? Well that's the board exam theory....Stress pushes people to seek for someone who can become their comfort zone...So people end up asking anyone they find even remotely accessible or who would make time for them...

2. New Love Theory: So its been 3 years you have been dating....has your relationship become boring? Have you run out of things to talk about? Are you taking each other for granted? Or if nothing else, there is distance that has suddenly come between the 2 of you? Well that's a green signal for finding new love or rather falling for someone who brings back the romance in your life....Any person who once had a crush on you and is now trying to make you feel special can easily sweep you off.....Most people might disagree but believe me its because its hard to resist and if you overcome it then you can happily keep your old (almost dead) relationship....

3. The Guilt Theory: So now that new love has stepped in and there is no valid reason for ending your last relationship because it wasn't abusive or you weren't being used nor have your parents found a suitable match for you, you have to break-up...let me be more curt here, you have to dump the person! And well when you do that obviously there is a lil' guilt coz there weren't any reasons right? I mean if your bf/gf doesn't send you flowers and chocolates all the time that really isn't a reason to break-up....but well that's difficult to explain...so after you've broken someone's heart and they're feeling miserable, you ought to feel the same even though very lil as you have new love to pacify you......so the guilt theory....Trust me you did the right thing, you didn't deserve the person you broke up with....

4. The Break-Up Theory: Nope, this one isn't really about love...But just a minor calculation to mathematically help you know how soon will you get over someone.....So here's the formula: Number of months you dated someone = Number of weeks you will take to get over them....For example, when a friend of mine broke up after 3 years (36 months of relationship) she took 9 months to get over it all....well this law has an expection, read the new love theory above!

If you don't agree with any of the above, that's fine, afterall its just what i feel and you need not comply.....if you have found any expections, let me know:)

When an 11 year old taught me a lesson for life.....

Nope.This story isn’t Taare Zameen Par Part 2. Nor is it about a teacher’s absolute belief in a student. This story is about a young boy named Waqar and his failed teacher. When Waqar entered Class 2B at MHB Municipal School for the first time, he was like any other child. Just that he was 2 years elder to almost his classmates and was the tallest. When his teacher conducted an exam to know what grade level was he on (as most kids in his class were atleast 2 grade levels behind, that means in grade 2 they only had the knowledge of a KG student), she found that like most other students he too was 2.5 grade levels behind. His teacher was all enthusiastic when she started teaching and wasn’t going to give up so soon. She started extra classes for students who needed extra help. Every morning, ten students from Waqar’s class including him came as hour early to school and sat in a corner of the dilapidated school building on a half torn mat for learning phonics and basic math. Weeks passed but Waqar barely showed any progress. When his teacher met his grandmother, she found that when he was an infant, he had fallen off from somewhere and hurt his head. Since then his comprehension had become slow as compared to other kids and he often forgot things.


A year after she had heard the story, Waqar’s teacher had forgotten all about it. His behaviour in class had become intolerable for her as she felt he was being lazy and purposely didn’t pay attention. He would return his worksheets incomplete and most times his exam papers were blank. He was lost, he was daydreaming all the time, etc. Etc. The list of complaints also reached his grandparents during a house visit made by his teacher. She found out that he didn’t live with his parents and was devoid of their love and care. He had two real younger brothers but his only interaction with them was in school alone. So many reasons could be triggering his behaviour, but nothing fitted well into the jigsaw his teacher was trying to solve and had given up completely.

But things changed....One day during the science lesson, the students were watching an experiment. Just to test the knowledge of the kids and their observational power, the teacher asked a question. After six people had given a wrong answer, in expectation of a seventh wrong one, the teacher gave Waqar a chance to speak. To the teacher’s surprise, he gave the correct answer. This shifted the teacher’s mindset so much that she gave Waqar a chance to contribute in every science class. More often than not his answers were correct. And the teacher realised he had an aptitude for science. Waqar’s wonder list wasn’t restricted to science. One morning during the ‘Talktime’ in class, he spoke about the field trip to Boriwali National Park. When the most “intelligent” kids could barely speak for 30 seconds without stopping or stammering, Waqar spoke non-stop for two minutes about what he had seen and learnt. The teacher literally had tears of happiness in her eyes. She felt sorry for not believing in him. She felt horrible for not having hope for a student in her class.

That teacher learnt the biggest lesson on hope and belief from an 11 year old. That teacher is me. I, Ritika Didi, as Waqar calls me, gave up on him, long before I even started trying. I failed. As a teacher. As someone whom Waqar believed in. But he reinstated my belief.

Yes, Waqar still submits blank papers and except science lessons, he is lost in class. But its not his fault. He suffers from dyslexia. But I know one day, some day, he will overcome it and make a lot of people realise his true potential...as of now he is enacting the part of scientist in the class’ end of year showcase.....I will miss him when I leave the school a month from now......

That day I learnt what rain was....

I sat at home watching it fill around me… it was water…just water. But for me it was different.




I, Sameera Javed, live in the Ambujwadi area in Malad (West). You don’t know me, you may not even have heard of the area I live in. It’s a slum, you know, hidden behind a huge MHADA complex in Malwani. Each year, when it rains in Mumbai, the area around my house gets waterlogged. It is difficult for a 3.5 ft person like me to get to school. My parents don’t let me go. What if I drown? Or I slip and fall in a ditch? They would lose me forever.



Every morning when it starts pouring, I try and get ready fast so I can walk down before too many puddles fill in for me to jump over. I don’t have an umbrella. Just a partly torn raincoat, which I got from my school last year. This year’s new raincoat will come in August hopefully. I walk down a kilometre to the school. Yes it’s raining. Yes it’s pouring down heavily. But I know I need to get to school. After all Didi promised that whoever has full attendance will get to go to the school trip at the end of the month. I smile at the thought of it. Even before I know it, I reach the school gate and realize my hair is wet.



I woke up to the sound of the rain this morning… it was raining cats and dogs… I didn’t want to leave the comfort of my dry home, but I start getting ready for school…



I, Ritika Chawla or Ritika Didi as my kids call me, teach in a municipal school, situated at gate no. 8 of Malwani in Malad (West). You would’ve heard of this area if you read the Mumbai Mirror, as almost every week there is news of a murder or some crime occurring in this area. Each year when it rains, my school gets flooded. The backyard turns into quicksand. The kids don’t have a place to play. There is at least two feet of water in the school building, leaving no place for my class to sit. Well, their benches are just one foot from the floor. To make matters worse, the school toilets get flooded, with human excreta flowing in the corridors.



Today, I step out of my building, safely under my umbrella and start looking for an auto. After almost 20 minutes of wait and 10 autorickshaws refusing to go to that area, I convince one. The traffic gets worse by the second. I finally reach school and I am still a little dry. As soon as I step into the building I am met by a warm smile. It is Sameera, a 7-year old little girl from my class, who stands in front of me, wet from tip to toe, yet smiling. Despite all odds set by the rain, she has made it to school one more day….

Punblished in Teacher Plus Magazine (August 2011)

Find Yourself

This story has been published in Chicken Soup for Indian Singles' Soul...

Born in a typical Indian Punjabi family and being a girl, I was always treated like a princess. I was the eldest kid in my generation and my parent’s first child. Hence, I was adored by all the members of my family. When I say princess, I mean I had every possible toy, type of clothing, books, music, etc. anything that one could want in my cupboard! Life was awesome for me but this is what pushed me more towards struggle. Since everything came so easily to me I started searching for struggle intentionally. Weird as it may sound but I have purposely given up on a lot of things in my life to lead a little less comfortable life.


In a ideal world (as per my parents), their daughter, I mean me, should have had this kind of life: Graduate at the age of 21, postgraduate at the age of 23, working by 23.5 years and married by 24 with first child by the age of 25. But here I am, at 24, I am done with my grad, postgrad, worked with 2 firms, have had a series of relationships and break-ups, and now I am working with an NGO. Leaving my amazingly high paying and less strenuous job in an AC office, I teach 70 kids in a dilapidating municipal school building. I work with and for one of India’s education movements and feel proud to say that I am the class teacher of grade 2 in a municipal school based in Mumbai.

I completed my graduation from one of India’s best colleges and started working with a corporate firm in Delhi. When I couldn’t handle the pressure of politics at work, I called it quits. I started working with another company soon after I left the first. As I loved challenges, I started studying for a distance learning course, preparing for my MBA, volunteering with an NGO and interning with another over weekends, while working fulltime as a research analyst. I had packed my life with all the things that could make my resume look great!

Life for me was very convenient but I chose struggle. I did not choose struggle to get away from a typical life that my parents had planned but to find myself. When I was working in a plush office and getting a hefty salary, I was happy as I could afford every luxury in the world. But what I am getting now is immeasurable. No feeling in the world can be compared to what I get when I see my class progress. The kids in my class come from small communities and slums around the school. Everyone of them has a story to tell. Whether it is Devi, whose father is a drunkard and beats up her mother, or Faiyan, whose father left his mother while she was pregnant. Seven year old Zeenat’s mother is my age! Sameera’s father stays away from the family in a different state to earn livelihood and Dilshaad and Raza’s fathers don’t have jobs, pushing their kids to get into labour work at the age of 6! Yes, these are the stories I struggle with everyday. These kids are my life. They have helped me discover a new side to life.

When I try to teach something in class and my lesson doesn’t go well or my class is in no mood to study or they are restless, I feel I failed. At such points, I do feel maybe I didn’t make all that right a decision but then I look back on how much my kids made me smile that day and I feel it’s all worth it. Everytime I think of my life now, I remember the slogan for Mastercard – “There are somethings money can’t buy”. It is true that for some people, they find true bliss while doing corporate jobs or working with the government. For others it is going to an MBA institute of their choice and their profession helps them to find happiness in life. But I am still trying to find myself.....

It was never easy for me to give up on my family and friends and move cities to do what I am doing, but I feel if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t have done this either. Sometimes I wonder if I wasn’t here, I would either be doing another masters or would’ve been married or atleast engaged to be married soon. I am not sure if I would’ve been happy had I not taken up this chance to do things differently in life as planned by others.

On days like these when I think of how things could’ve been and how they are, I always listen to the song by Brad Paisley– “When you find yourself, in some far off place...And it causes you to rethink somethings, you start to sense that slowly you’re becoming someone else...And then you find yourself...”

Something they call training...

Is the system corrupt and badly managed to the extent that change is impossible or an extremely far-fetched dream that might never turn into reality? I was recently at a BMC teacher training for CCE, a training that can change the marking system and the lives of all kids studying in BMC schools....a training I thought was important and reached punctually at 8 am and it finally started at 9.....A training where I saw most teachers picnicking and gossiping or flipping through magazines......wasting time which is meant for their students...a training where everyone sat and ate ....and the trainer asked them to entertain everyone present by reciting poetry or singing a song...Here are the exact words - "Agar aap sab thoda discussion karenge toh sabka timepass hoga..."

Day 2 of the training: Have you ever cheated in an exam? All my life I chose to walk on the path of honesty but for once I'm not sure if this is even a matter of honesty....Once the training is over the teachers are handed a paper to check how much they have understood...The catch is that the exam is in Marathi! For the first time I felt mentally handicapped....now I know what alot of my kids feel when I give them a paper with topics they dont know or words they cant read....With teachers from Telugu and Tamil medium schools, how can the exam be in Marathi? Mr. Thackarey would you like it if you were asked to answer a question in Kannada or Punjabi?

And I am back to where I started from....

Before I start off with whats been up with me, I really want to apologise to all those who are pissed with me for not being in touch. I really have no excuses to give you since I don’t know why I haven’t been in touch myself...I guess school and work took a toll on me and Iv just been struggling with that....So before anyone of you freaks out I just want to say that I will be in Pune till 11th June and Bangalore soon after and then Delhi...so all my friends in these 3 cities please take time out and let me know when can we catchup....cant wait to see you all....:)

The last time I wrote was in February and these last 2 n half months have been so hectic that I havnt had the time to breathe....with school about to go in for vacations, exams, results, my co-teacher leaving, some kids leaving the school, this trip and that trip, friends visiting Mumbai and all that these two n half months have been full...of excitement, nervousness, work, happy moments and sad moments.....

Half way thru February, I took my class for a 3-d movie – Alpha and Omega, I am not sure if the kids enjoyed the movie cos some of them dozed off, but i am sure that stepping into a hall was extremely exciting for them and so was the bus trip...The biggest challenge of that trip was taking the kids to the washroom! Its another thing for us but for kids who have never seen a WC or a flush it was weird to use it....my volunteers I am sure realised that it wasn’t easy to handle them....but even though the kids were in a strange zone they were well behaved and did not cause any trouble

The month of March went in preparing for 2 things – End of Year exams and the Showcase....while we were struggling to ensure that we push the kids to do well in Math and English on one hand, we also made them practice songs, speeches for their Showcase (A showcase is a presentation of all that the kids have learnt over a year)....my lower order (weak students) struggled with practicing Math but ask them to sing the song “This is the way we brush our teeth” and they would jump to action

They did bomb their exams but I feel its more of my failure and not theirs as I havnt been a great teacher. Though individually most of them did very well in Math (I was primarily teaching Math and my co-teacher taught English) but we were unable to meet the class goal in Math. The good bit was they did meet the English goal. I am not concerned about the class goal honestly what bothers me today is that I haven’t been able to reach out to a silent Vikas, to a lost Sana and to a most-of-the-time-absent Mahek Fatima.

So next year I hope things will get better....

The last couple of days were fun....Namita and I took some kids to the beach one day and to hypercity on another..they even had a chance to go to the local fire station....and they did pot painting...I have never seen Ubed do anything with so much concentration! He cant sit straight for more than 5 seconds and here he was trying to beautify a mud pot with paints! On the last day we had a class party which ended on a sentimental note...it was my co-teacher’s last day in school...she hugged and bid farewell to the kids...I was teary-eyed but she just smiled

 

School ended with loads of admin work...i literally had to make the result sheet for 76 kids 3 times!! Along with their report cards...so if I didn’t take someone’s calls now you know why...

On 16th May, the first batch of TFI fellows graduated leaving us with the burden they had carried these last 2 years....on 17th May, my batch had our End of Year summit, where I found out that my class had grown 1.5 years in one year in Reading Fluency (number of words they can read per minute)! This just made me realise that having a Big goal is not just inspirational but as well as aspirational...

As soon as school ended I landed in Pune for Institute...and so a year later I was back to be a part of the Institute madness like last year...the difference is then I was a new fellow wanting to learn...this year I was an old fellow passing gyaan and trying to make people’s life easier....

More institute news in the next update!Till then loads of love

The Void

With Valentines Day gone by, and having so many single friends....each day I see more and more people dealing with the feeling called VOID.....

Nah its not a bad thing....its a feeling where you feel lonely and wish you had someone there...when you wana go back home to someone....when you wana share your happy and sad moments with someone...

Till the time you are a kid, you are unaware of this....when you are a teenager, you have too much on your mind and dont have to deal with it....its when you are in the quarter bit of your life you realise it exists....most people dont even realise or avoid thinking about it as they feel its a temporary phase after a break-up or being single for a long time...so they try to fill it up...some find people to fill it up with, others fill it with work or too many things to do....if nothing else some fill it up with materialistic things they enjoy or achievements in different fields...

The truth is the void has always and will always exist.....no amount of promotions, or cars or houses, gfs or bfs, or jst frnds can cover it up....The void is like an empty box which doesnt have a bottom...when you fill it with anything it wont stay cos the box will let it fall out.....

The good bit about the void is that it lets you detach easily and keeps your expectations low....

Here's how you can deal with the void...accept it...live with it....there is no guarantee that when you will have that person whom you can go home to, the void will vanish.....or when you become a successful person things will get better....cos the void will stay....and let it....