More than a child and more than childhood

For the children of the world; every single little boy and girl

Heaven plants a special seed; and we must have faith for these

Red and yellow, black and white; they are precious in the Father’s eyes

Like the Father may we see; that they have a destiny

And give them the light of love to lead; through the darkness around us now

To a place where hope is found…

-          Sims Grant Kirkpatrick

I always believed that my understanding of children started when I became the class teacher for grade 2 in a municipal school in Mumbai, but over the last five months and various visits to Sacred Heart Primary School I unlearned and relearned many notions I had built about children. Observing classes, interviewing children, spending time with them, walking into a slum, reading various theories, all taught me to look at a child’s life not only from an adult perspective but more from a child’s perspective. Over the course, my learning has been two way – one of a researcher trying to look at things from an objective lens and the other of an adult placed in children’s world, trying to understand their cognitive, emotional and social sides. While doing so there were two things that I came across repeatedly; one was the influence of adults, especially parents and teachers on children and second was the ever present overburdened childhood which had no space for creativity, leisure and exploration.

Reflecting on the influence adults, especially parents and teachers have on children, in my classroom observations, I realised how children did their best to get their teacher’s attention and felt ecstatic when they were praised. While interviewing them I stumbled on statements like “I liked my fifth grade class because my teacher was very nice”. When it came to parents, again children blindly follow what they are being told, be it something as trivial as the rules at home set by parents or something as major as career choices. It almost felt like children had blind faith in the adults who surrounded them. Family affect children’s lives and development and also different parenting behaviours impact children’s upbringing differently. The primary caregiver, i.e. the mother has a special role to play in children’s lives. She not only nurtures them but is also one of the constructors of their self-image and helps in development of emotions such as trust. It won’t be odd to say that what teachers and parents do is very much in line with Vygotsky’s idea of Zone of Proximal Development, where these adults hand hold the child to take them to a higher level of learning and understanding. But honestly, I have come to doubt as to how well are we adults playing this role. Are we letting children really be themselves or are we treating them to be similar to adults and develop an understanding of the world around them from what we can call an adults perspective. The question of child being an active or passive learner was challenged at every step of my practicum. On one hand, I saw children who were accepting of whatever they were told; on another there were a few who did question what they heard but in most cases their questions were not being taken seriously. I wonder what are we expecting from the children in today’s world, to act as children or become adults before their age, which then though would not be an expectation from today’s world but rather could be traced to the traditional concept of childhood given by Phillipe Aries.  And then we complain about them losing their innocence. Are we not responsible for what happens to children living in the same society as ours?    

During the visits to the school and even in my personal life I have noticed that we are pushing kids to become serious, but not giving them enough time and space to grow up at their own pace and enjoy their childhood. Here I can say that I can relate Urie Bronfenbrenner’s Ecological Theory where the child is placed at the centre and is impacted by different social agents at different levels. Then doesn’t everything from the language used by adults to how they treat children have an effect on the children’s mindsets. The adults except them to become better at studies, learning things, participating in activities which they might not really enjoy, pushing them to compete, but not give them free will to take decisions and make simple choices or something as minor as having leisure and playtime every day. How fair are we in deciding what is best for children and what isn’t. Why are we not helping in enhancing their creative sides but supressing it for letting them become experts in mere subjective knowledge. I also feel that it is important to change this situation by removing regimentation from schools. And save children from becoming products of and for the society.   

All this impacts the cognitive, social and emotional development of children. How they construe their identity is dependent on their environment, which includes the adults around them. Charles Cooley (1902) talks about children’s self-image through the concept of the looking-glass self, according to which the child’s self-image is developed by, how others view them. He suggests that the self-knowledge and self-esteem of children largely depend on the way others perceive and react to their behaviour.

Childhood is a special phase in everyone’s life; in fact we adults at times wish to go back and relive those days. Therefore, we need to accept children for who they are at present, rather than focussing on what they will become in future, by constantly planning for them and wanting them to become like us.