believe

Theories of Love

2012-02-28T20:42:00.000-08:00

So in my 25 years of life, I have met people from all sort of backgrounds and fields....but somethings, some behaviours are common among most of them....based on them are a few theories of love:

1. Board Exam Theory: So when you were in 10th standard and about 10 days before the fate deciding exam, did you ask someone out? or maybe got asked out? Well that's the board exam theory....Stress pushes people to seek for someone who can become their comfort zone...So people end up asking anyone they find even remotely accessible or who would make time for them...

2. New Love Theory: So its been 3 years you have been dating....has your relationship become boring? Have you run out of things to talk about? Are you taking each other for granted? Or if nothing else, there is distance that has suddenly come between the 2 of you? Well that's a green signal for finding new love or rather falling for someone who brings back the romance in your life....Any person who once had a crush on you and is now trying to make you feel special can easily sweep you off.....Most people might disagree but believe me its because its hard to resist and if you overcome it then you can happily keep your old (almost dead) relationship....

3. The Guilt Theory: So now that new love has stepped in and there is no valid reason for ending your last relationship because it wasn't abusive or you weren't being used nor have your parents found a suitable match for you, you have to break-up...let me be more curt here, you have to dump the person! And well when you do that obviously there is a lil' guilt coz there weren't any reasons right? I mean if your bf/gf doesn't send you flowers and chocolates all the time that really isn't a reason to break-up....but well that's difficult to explain...so after you've broken someone's heart and they're feeling miserable, you ought to feel the same even though very lil as you have new love to pacify you......so the guilt theory....Trust me you did the right thing, you didn't deserve the person you broke up with....

4. The Break-Up Theory: Nope, this one isn't really about love...But just a minor calculation to mathematically help you know how soon will you get over someone.....So here's the formula: Number of months you dated someone = Number of weeks you will take to get over them....For example, when a friend of mine broke up after 3 years (36 months of relationship) she took 9 months to get over it all....well this law has an expection, read the new love theory above!

If you don't agree with any of the above, that's fine, afterall its just what i feel and you need not comply.....if you have found any expections, let me know:)

When an 11 year old taught me a lesson for life.....

2012-02-28T10:14:00.002-08:00

Nope.This story isn’t Taare Zameen Par Part 2. Nor is it about a teacher’s absolute belief in a student. This story is about a young boy named Waqar and his failed teacher. When Waqar entered Class 2B at MHB Municipal School for the first time, he was like any other child. Just that he was 2 years elder to almost his classmates and was the tallest. When his teacher conducted an exam to know what grade level was he on (as most kids in his class were atleast 2 grade levels behind, that means in grade 2 they only had the knowledge of a KG student), she found that like most other students he too was 2.5 grade levels behind. His teacher was all enthusiastic when she started teaching and wasn’t going to give up so soon. She started extra classes for students who needed extra help. Every morning, ten students from Waqar’s class including him came as hour early to school and sat in a corner of the dilapidated school building on a half torn mat for learning phonics and basic math. Weeks passed but Waqar barely showed any progress. When his teacher met his grandmother, she found that when he was an infant, he had fallen off from somewhere and hurt his head. Since then his comprehension had become slow as compared to other kids and he often forgot things.

A year after she had heard the story, Waqar’s teacher had forgotten all about it. His behaviour in class had become intolerable for her as she felt he was being lazy and purposely didn’t pay attention. He would return his worksheets incomplete and most times his exam papers were blank. He was lost, he was daydreaming all the time, etc. Etc. The list of complaints also reached his grandparents during a house visit made by his teacher. She found out that he didn’t live with his parents and was devoid of their love and care. He had two real younger brothers but his only interaction with them was in school alone. So many reasons could be triggering his behaviour, but nothing fitted well into the jigsaw his teacher was trying to solve and had given up completely.

But things changed....One day during the science lesson, the students were watching an experiment. Just to test the knowledge of the kids and their observational power, the teacher asked a question. After six people had given a wrong answer, in expectation of a seventh wrong one, the teacher gave Waqar a chance to speak. To the teacher’s surprise, he gave the correct answer. This shifted the teacher’s mindset so much that she gave Waqar a chance to contribute in every science class. More often than not his answers were correct. And the teacher realised he had an aptitude for science. Waqar’s wonder list wasn’t restricted to science. One morning during the ‘Talktime’ in class, he spoke about the field trip to Boriwali National Park. When the most “intelligent” kids could barely speak for 30 seconds without stopping or stammering, Waqar spoke non-stop for two minutes about what he had seen and learnt. The teacher literally had tears of happiness in her eyes. She felt sorry for not believing in him. She felt horrible for not having hope for a student in her class.

That teacher learnt the biggest lesson on hope and belief from an 11 year old. That teacher is me. I, Ritika Didi, as Waqar calls me, gave up on him, long before I even started trying. I failed. As a teacher. As someone whom Waqar believed in. But he reinstated my belief.

Yes, Waqar still submits blank papers and except science lessons, he is lost in class. But its not his fault. He suffers from dyslexia. But I know one day, some day, he will overcome it and make a lot of people realise his true potential...as of now he is enacting the part of scientist in the class’ end of year showcase.....I will miss him when I leave the school a month from now......

That day I learnt what rain was....

2012-02-22T20:37:00.000-08:00

I sat at home watching it fill around me… it was water…just water. But for me it was different.

I, Sameera Javed, live in the Ambujwadi area in Malad (West). You don’t know me, you may not even have heard of the area I live in. It’s a slum, you know, hidden behind a huge MHADA complex in Malwani. Each year, when it rains in Mumbai, the area around my house gets waterlogged. It is difficult for a 3.5 ft person like me to get to school. My parents don’t let me go. What if I drown? Or I slip and fall in a ditch? They would lose me forever.

Every morning when it starts pouring, I try and get ready fast so I can walk down before too many puddles fill in for me to jump over. I don’t have an umbrella. Just a partly torn raincoat, which I got from my school last year. This year’s new raincoat will come in August hopefully. I walk down a kilometre to the school. Yes it’s raining. Yes it’s pouring down heavily. But I know I need to get to school. After all Didi promised that whoever has full attendance will get to go to the school trip at the end of the month. I smile at the thought of it. Even before I know it, I reach the school gate and realize my hair is wet.

I woke up to the sound of the rain this morning… it was raining cats and dogs… I didn’t want to leave the comfort of my dry home, but I start getting ready for school…

I, Ritika Chawla or Ritika Didi as my kids call me, teach in a municipal school, situated at gate no. 8 of Malwani in Malad (West). You would’ve heard of this area if you read the Mumbai Mirror, as almost every week there is news of a murder or some crime occurring in this area. Each year when it rains, my school gets flooded. The backyard turns into quicksand. The kids don’t have a place to play. There is at least two feet of water in the school building, leaving no place for my class to sit. Well, their benches are just one foot from the floor. To make matters worse, the school toilets get flooded, with human excreta flowing in the corridors.

Today, I step out of my building, safely under my umbrella and start looking for an auto. After almost 20 minutes of wait and 10 autorickshaws refusing to go to that area, I convince one. The traffic gets worse by the second. I finally reach school and I am still a little dry. As soon as I step into the building I am met by a warm smile. It is Sameera, a 7-year old little girl from my class, who stands in front of me, wet from tip to toe, yet smiling. Despite all odds set by the rain, she has made it to school one more day….

Punblished in Teacher Plus Magazine (August 2011)

Find Yourself

2012-02-22T20:34:00.000-08:00

This story has been published in Chicken Soup for Indian Singles' Soul...

Born in a typical Indian Punjabi family and being a girl, I was always treated like a princess. I was the eldest kid in my generation and my parent’s first child. Hence, I was adored by all the members of my family. When I say princess, I mean I had every possible toy, type of clothing, books, music, etc. anything that one could want in my cupboard! Life was awesome for me but this is what pushed me more towards struggle. Since everything came so easily to me I started searching for struggle intentionally. Weird as it may sound but I have purposely given up on a lot of things in my life to lead a little less comfortable life.

In a ideal world (as per my parents), their daughter, I mean me, should have had this kind of life: Graduate at the age of 21, postgraduate at the age of 23, working by 23.5 years and married by 24 with first child by the age of 25. But here I am, at 24, I am done with my grad, postgrad, worked with 2 firms, have had a series of relationships and break-ups, and now I am working with an NGO. Leaving my amazingly high paying and less strenuous job in an AC office, I teach 70 kids in a dilapidating municipal school building. I work with and for one of India’s education movements and feel proud to say that I am the class teacher of grade 2 in a municipal school based in Mumbai.

I completed my graduation from one of India’s best colleges and started working with a corporate firm in Delhi. When I couldn’t handle the pressure of politics at work, I called it quits. I started working with another company soon after I left the first. As I loved challenges, I started studying for a distance learning course, preparing for my MBA, volunteering with an NGO and interning with another over weekends, while working fulltime as a research analyst. I had packed my life with all the things that could make my resume look great!

Life for me was very convenient but I chose struggle. I did not choose struggle to get away from a typical life that my parents had planned but to find myself. When I was working in a plush office and getting a hefty salary, I was happy as I could afford every luxury in the world. But what I am getting now is immeasurable. No feeling in the world can be compared to what I get when I see my class progress. The kids in my class come from small communities and slums around the school. Everyone of them has a story to tell. Whether it is Devi, whose father is a drunkard and beats up her mother, or Faiyan, whose father left his mother while she was pregnant. Seven year old Zeenat’s mother is my age! Sameera’s father stays away from the family in a different state to earn livelihood and Dilshaad and Raza’s fathers don’t have jobs, pushing their kids to get into labour work at the age of 6! Yes, these are the stories I struggle with everyday. These kids are my life. They have helped me discover a new side to life.

When I try to teach something in class and my lesson doesn’t go well or my class is in no mood to study or they are restless, I feel I failed. At such points, I do feel maybe I didn’t make all that right a decision but then I look back on how much my kids made me smile that day and I feel it’s all worth it. Everytime I think of my life now, I remember the slogan for Mastercard – “There are somethings money can’t buy”. It is true that for some people, they find true bliss while doing corporate jobs or working with the government. For others it is going to an MBA institute of their choice and their profession helps them to find happiness in life. But I am still trying to find myself.....

It was never easy for me to give up on my family and friends and move cities to do what I am doing, but I feel if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t have done this either. Sometimes I wonder if I wasn’t here, I would either be doing another masters or would’ve been married or atleast engaged to be married soon. I am not sure if I would’ve been happy had I not taken up this chance to do things differently in life as planned by others.

On days like these when I think of how things could’ve been and how they are, I always listen to the song by Brad Paisley– “When you find yourself, in some far off place...And it causes you to rethink somethings, you start to sense that slowly you’re becoming someone else...And then you find yourself...”

Something they call training...

2011-12-26T12:14:00.000-08:00

Is the system corrupt and badly managed to the extent that change is impossible or an extremely far-fetched dream that might never turn into reality? I was recently at a BMC teacher training for CCE, a training that can change the marking system and the lives of all kids studying in BMC schools....a training I thought was important and reached punctually at 8 am and it finally started at 9.....A training where I saw most teachers picnicking and gossiping or flipping through magazines......wasting time which is meant for their students...a training where everyone sat and ate ....and the trainer asked them to entertain everyone present by reciting poetry or singing a song...Here are the exact words - "Agar aap sab thoda discussion karenge toh sabka timepass hoga..."

Day 2 of the training: Have you ever cheated in an exam? All my life I chose to walk on the path of honesty but for once I'm not sure if this is even a matter of honesty....Once the training is over the teachers are handed a paper to check how much they have understood...The catch is that the exam is in Marathi! For the first time I felt mentally handicapped....now I know what alot of my kids feel when I give them a paper with topics they dont know or words they cant read....With teachers from Telugu and Tamil medium schools, how can the exam be in Marathi? Mr. Thackarey would you like it if you were asked to answer a question in Kannada or Punjabi?

And I am back to where I started from....

2011-08-21T16:14:00.000-07:00

Before I start off with whats been up with me, I really want to apologise to all those who are pissed with me for not being in touch. I really have no excuses to give you since I don’t know why I haven’t been in touch myself...I guess school and work took a toll on me and Iv just been struggling with that....So before anyone of you freaks out I just want to say that I will be in Pune till 11th June and Bangalore soon after and then Delhi...so all my friends in these 3 cities please take time out and let me know when can we catchup....cant wait to see you all....:)

The last time I wrote was in February and these last 2 n half months have been so hectic that I havnt had the time to breathe....with school about to go in for vacations, exams, results, my co-teacher leaving, some kids leaving the school, this trip and that trip, friends visiting Mumbai and all that these two n half months have been full...of excitement, nervousness, work, happy moments and sad moments.....

Half way thru February, I took my class for a 3-d movie – Alpha and Omega, I am not sure if the kids enjoyed the movie cos some of them dozed off, but i am sure that stepping into a hall was extremely exciting for them and so was the bus trip...The biggest challenge of that trip was taking the kids to the washroom! Its another thing for us but for kids who have never seen a WC or a flush it was weird to use it....my volunteers I am sure realised that it wasn’t easy to handle them....but even though the kids were in a strange zone they were well behaved and did not cause any trouble

The month of March went in preparing for 2 things – End of Year exams and the Showcase....while we were struggling to ensure that we push the kids to do well in Math and English on one hand, we also made them practice songs, speeches for their Showcase (A showcase is a presentation of all that the kids have learnt over a year)....my lower order (weak students) struggled with practicing Math but ask them to sing the song “This is the way we brush our teeth” and they would jump to action

They did bomb their exams but I feel its more of my failure and not theirs as I havnt been a great teacher. Though individually most of them did very well in Math (I was primarily teaching Math and my co-teacher taught English) but we were unable to meet the class goal in Math. The good bit was they did meet the English goal. I am not concerned about the class goal honestly what bothers me today is that I haven’t been able to reach out to a silent Vikas, to a lost Sana and to a most-of-the-time-absent Mahek Fatima.

So next year I hope things will get better....

The last couple of days were fun....Namita and I took some kids to the beach one day and to hypercity on another..they even had a chance to go to the local fire station....and they did pot painting...I have never seen Ubed do anything with so much concentration! He cant sit straight for more than 5 seconds and here he was trying to beautify a mud pot with paints! On the last day we had a class party which ended on a sentimental note...it was my co-teacher’s last day in school...she hugged and bid farewell to the kids...I was teary-eyed but she just smiled

School ended with loads of admin work...i literally had to make the result sheet for 76 kids 3 times!! Along with their report cards...so if I didn’t take someone’s calls now you know why...

On 16th May, the first batch of TFI fellows graduated leaving us with the burden they had carried these last 2 years....on 17th May, my batch had our End of Year summit, where I found out that my class had grown 1.5 years in one year in Reading Fluency (number of words they can read per minute)! This just made me realise that having a Big goal is not just inspirational but as well as aspirational...

As soon as school ended I landed in Pune for Institute...and so a year later I was back to be a part of the Institute madness like last year...the difference is then I was a new fellow wanting to learn...this year I was an old fellow passing gyaan and trying to make people’s life easier....

More institute news in the next update!Till then loads of love

The Void

2011-02-21T11:55:00.000-08:00

With Valentines Day gone by, and having so many single friends....each day I see more and more people dealing with the feeling called VOID.....

Nah its not a bad thing....its a feeling where you feel lonely and wish you had someone there...when you wana go back home to someone....when you wana share your happy and sad moments with someone...

Till the time you are a kid, you are unaware of this....when you are a teenager, you have too much on your mind and dont have to deal with it....its when you are in the quarter bit of your life you realise it exists....most people dont even realise or avoid thinking about it as they feel its a temporary phase after a break-up or being single for a long time...so they try to fill it up...some find people to fill it up with, others fill it with work or too many things to do....if nothing else some fill it up with materialistic things they enjoy or achievements in different fields...

The truth is the void has always and will always exist.....no amount of promotions, or cars or houses, gfs or bfs, or jst frnds can cover it up....The void is like an empty box which doesnt have a bottom...when you fill it with anything it wont stay cos the box will let it fall out.....

The good bit about the void is that it lets you detach easily and keeps your expectations low....

Here's how you can deal with the void...accept it...live with it....there is no guarantee that when you will have that person whom you can go home to, the void will vanish.....or when you become a successful person things will get better....cos the void will stay....and let it....

Phew! January over! February half way thru!

2011-02-21T11:16:00.000-08:00

If there is something known as overtime I felt I had crossed the limits last month!

I was busy with something or the other on Sundays too! The highlights of the last month were the Synergry Conference, a training, visit to Pune twice, walk into Sanjay Gandhi National Park...and a few more....

So January was a busy month...and I knew it the minute it started! I spent my New Year's Eve with a friend from TFI at the terrace building watching fire crackers! I slept at 4 and was up at 7am for some work! Someone once told me that the way you spend your first day, your entire year goes the same way...i don't know about before but now Im beginning to believe it! After finshing work I traveled to Pune to meet friends and the college alumni meet....iv set a record of being in Pune every year on the 1st of January for the past 6 years now! I hope this continues....the meet was fun with my batch having the highest turn out (there were 10 of us after all!)....the embarrasing bit was when I had to dance with a junior on "Tujhe dekha to ye jana sanam" on the stage!

The week after that was super exciting! Teach for India hosted the Teach for All - Synergy Conference...for those who didnt know, there are 18 countries that have similar organisations as TFI such as Teach First UK, Teach for America, Teach First Estonia, Teach for Malaysia...and believe it or not there is also Teach for Pakistan....

My school had four visitors...fellows who teach with Teach for Australia, Teach First UK, Teach for Israel and Teach First Germany....when I took them on a round of the school, the Urdu medium kids were just leaving...they met the visitors and started taking their autograph...they thought that Geoff (fellow, Teach for Australia) was a cricketer! Not only that, some of them asked me if Karen (Teach for Israel) was Pamela Anderson, whom they has seen on Bigg Boss! When I told Karen this her reaction was "Pamela Anderson, me? from where?"

It was an amazing week! I heard crazy facts like Estonia has 500 dropouts every year and thats about it! In a country like Israel, teaching is not a very respected profession! The conference also made me realise that there are 1000s of people working for the same cause as I am and everyone is facing similar situations and dealing with it. That I am not along in this.....

The weekend Synergy got over, I traveled to Pune again for another TFI event.....I guess I was just looking for an excuse to get to Pune again...

The entire week after that went in school and community visits....I used to find it weird when old people would tell me how they had to walk 40mins to get to school....i dont find that unbelieveable anymore....alot of my kids do that...when i would hear people would study sitting under a lamp post, it used to amaze me...not anymore, i mean what are u supposed to do when there is no electricity....i guess nothing has really changed in all these decades.....

The next weekend I participated in the Dream Run (Mumbai Marathon)....so I walked 6+ kms (believe me there was no place to run!).....when everyone returned home tired post the run, I was out at a book fair, and set another record of calling 100 TFI applicants in 3 hours! I actually felt I was on some energy drug!

Not to put an end to the fun bit...I went to watch Vagina Monologues the next weekend.....had dinner at a rooftop restaurant and asked a tarot card reader silly questions....i dont believe in astrology, etc. but i guess its fun at times...i was actually confused cos TFI wants me to move to Delhi, but I dint kno if I shuld...not that the tarot reader would've helped but i just wanted someone to put an end to my confusion....

So my working weekends dint end and I ended up going to the TFI board meeting.....heard about top-level stuff and met people such as the Dean of ISB, Hyderabad, Anu Aga (Thermax Industries Head), etc.
The next morning I was out for a nature trail at Sanjay Gandhi National Park....ok....im not elaborating on that one....

January did finally end but funfilled weekends didn't!

The first Saturday of Feb, my kids got stationery sets from someone in Singapore...an client of an acquintance sent it....how networks with people work! it truly amazes me! Post that I took 4 kids to Inorbit for playing video games....Cant describe how happy they were....

My bday weekend finally arrived...not like I was looking forward to any celebration..but thats one day when I hear from people I havnt spoken to in ages! And it makes me thankful for having so many friends that my phone doesnt stop ringing even at 3am! I cut a cake at Marine Drive! roamed at Kala ghoda festival...had dinner with friends...the kids sang for me....When your bday cards are letters from kids saying "Sameera love Ritika Didi; Didi love icecream"...and your gifts are roses from kids or their moms...you know you have become old.....:)

Signing off!

Thank you everyone for your wishes and for supporting me in every way you could this past one year:)

Some major..some minor..moments

2011-01-28T09:52:00.000-08:00

I haven’t written in a long time....was just busy and at times keeping myslf busy...over the last 1.5 months or so alot has happened...moments where I felt lost..moments where i felt i cant take somethings anymore..moments where i felt proud...moments i felt strong....moments where i felt vulnerable....so here are snippets describing those moments....

What if....???The most painful moment last month was when Kaif in my class fell sick...one day, while my co-teacher was taking the lesson, i saw Kaif crying and took him out of class...he said there was some insect coming out of his body...and it turned out to be true...a 6 inch long red coloured worm came out of his body...tht was the first time i felt scared and panicked...wht if it had been somethn major?wht if i hd lost the child? Iv never felt such an emotion before...somethn i cant expln......thankfully kaif is all fine...

A night in the slum...Have u heard of dharavi? The biggest slum in Asia? Well not only have i heard of it and seen it..i have lived there for 2 days! In order to figure out what my community project should be for next yr i attended a workshop called empower india conducted by 2009 fellow at TFI. The workshop was held at a school in Dharavi and I had to stay there during a weekend. I really don’t understand why is it the biggest slum? I actually saw apartment buildings there! I mean i seen worse conditions around my school! Anyway, now i can say iv stayed day and night in school!

The fun moment...the most fun time in school were the last 2 days before the winter break...we had an art competition for all the classes – the theme was “Christmas”.....the kids sat in the corridors on mats and drew and coloured....it was great to jst watch them go all out and let their creativity flow...the winners were announced next day at the Christmas assembly...this was the first intra-class art competition! Sameer Shaikh from my class won in class 2:)

And now about the highlight at the end of every 6 weeks that my kids look forward to – the Parent-Teacher meeting! This wasn’t a usual one...we had had a Christmas party just before the meeting! The kids came all dressed up! The funny thing was they all called Santa Claus as Jingle Bell! Hardly any kid from class 1 to 7 knew that it was Santa Claus! They all called it Jingle Bell! My class was decorated...and we got plum cake, juice and chips for everyone!

The PTM wasn’t a crying scenario this time..but the winners were absolute surprise! Kids who never thought could do so well actually won! Some of them had moved from 30% to 80% in math! Sameer Firoz’s expression actually shows he wasn’t expecting this! Unfortunately his parents weren’t there....the only thing he said to me when i congratulated him was his parents didn’t come...i was unable to say anythn....

And then we broke for Winter break....

Believe me i havnt slpt as much as i did during these vacations! A frnd of mine can vouch for tht!

Thats why this email is coming late to everyone! Besides I thought of keeping it short...so i don’t have to write a separate executive summary!

Hope you all had an amazing New Year! Thank you for standing by me during the last year! If it weren’t for you guys i wouldn’t have been here and doing what i wanted to.

Been a month I guess...

2010-12-09T13:05:00.000-08:00

My Delhi break was awesome! Thanks to all those who took time out to catchup! I slpt thru most of it though! So the 2 tasks I got complete during these hols were making upto ppl i hadnt spoken to in a long time and slping al tht i could!

I am writing to everyone today since I had an awesome day! And it was all thanks to a lil kid in class 1 in my school. Municipal schools start from class 1 so it is Sameer's first year in school. And like most of us did when we were asked to leave parents at home and go to school for the first time, Sameer too has been howling at top volume while coming to school evryday. Most days he sobs or pretends to be unwell so he is taken back home by his mom, who beats him out of frustration everyday! today was the second time i tried approaching him and helping him. Sameer was adamant about going back home...I didnt know how to deal with his crying..and unlike the last time i dint want to leave him sobbing...so i held his hand, patted his back and asked him y he was crying. he jst said he doesnt lik school. so i asked him if he wuld lik to sit in my class...and he agreed.quietly, holding my hand, he entered my class and sat on a chair besides mine. once the class started, i asked him if he was alright and would want me to tk him to his class and he nodded. i took him there, promising him that il b in my class if he needs any help. And so Sameer came back in break to share his lunch with me and making me promise him tht i wont leave school without him. When school ended he was back in my class and dragged me home! I have never seen Sameer talk so much or smile so much! He made my day!:)

Going back to post-Delhi...i went to ahmedabad from delhi...for the Teach for India retreat....before i tel u about the retreat, i must tell u about the amazing service Air India provides! I reached the international airport at 5.30pm for a 6.50pm flight and was at the check-in counter for 1 hr! wen my turn came the guy at the counter tells me my ticket isnt confirm! then he says there are no seats left! and finaly he upgrades my ticket to business class! While giving my boarding pass he said " You should feel lucky, tht I upgraded ur ticket', all i said was "Thanks to your slow speed, if im able to catch this flight in next 10 mins and get to Abad in time, I will definitely feel lucky!"...my flight got delayed by 3.5 hrs! i landed at Ahmedabad at 12.05 am, only to find the international airport had no taxis!no lounge!no food place! thankfully i had a frnd in town who came to pick me as i dint know hw to gt to the hotel either! so i stayed at my frnd's frnd's place...

During the retreat we had loads of reflection sessions, where we talked about the last 6 months and the struggles we were facing...but the fun part of the retreat was staying in a village! yep we stayed in a harijan village called Saraswadi for a night...stayed with a family there, sat on a tractor, walked in the fields, helped prepare food for a wedding, wash utensils with mud, cut about 50 potatoes, watched a gujju wedding, slpt with ants, had tea in a plate, ate khichdi (i absolutely abhor it!), chatted with the villagers, etc. etc. day 2 of the retreat was spent at Riverside school...tht was another first time for me...living in a school fr a day...we slpt on the terrace! Ahmedabad is a cold city!! the last day was full of activities...i played frisbee after years...! at night we all took a train back to Mumbai.....And was back in school the next day!

My kids were very well behaved the first 2 days...seeing a newly painted classroom and being back after long, they were in a trance..which ended after 2 days and they were back to their usual naughty selves :)....unlike most classes we had 50+ attendance the first day and the kids got to paint a corner of the classroom as an incentive for returning on time...

Schools been the usual except that im able to gt more stuff done with the increase in the timings and also we have started Circle time every Saturday where the kids can talk about anythn they feel like.....i went to some students' houses yesterday and today and will hopefully do more visits now...

i also recently attended a workshop for my community project...stayed in a school (Sri Sri Ravishankar Vidya Mandir) in Dharavi (the biggest slum in Asia)! It was amazing to connect with different people working to empower different communities in Mumbai...will hopefully be working with some of them soon:)

Its 2.15am and im too tired to write any further....and im sure ur tired of reading too...

Btw, I saw social network, harry potter and break k baad...social network is a must watch! i hope most of u have seen it by now!

Off for now....

Hope you have a great weekend! Also if you find time, please go thru my school's FB page - http://www.facebook.com/pages/MHB-Municipal-School/148248261889256

P.S. Forgot to mention a funny thing...so in order to teach my class commonly used sentences, i taught them " Please may i go to the washroom" instead of using the word 'toilet'... and here is wht some of my students said the first week...- please may i wash your room, i want a washroom (their other fave line is "i want a pencil"), please my wash the room, i go please wash the room....and many more of these!

Before the long awaited/deserved break...

2010-11-06T02:32:00.000-07:00

For all those who are not there on Facebook...I am in Delhi....Incase you are in town, please buzz me and we shall meet up during the week...

As for whats been up before this long awaited break, here goes...

School had been going on as usual...it was more or less revision time as the mid-year assessments were due.....the assessments included reading fluency, grammar, reading comprehension and maths....believe me I have never feared my exams and have given many without preparation and never been under stress...but i was under stress as the assessments for my class approached....iv had a sleepless nite before the exam.....and another when i was up checking the papers....lots of ups and downs...quite a few have shown improvement....few have gone down in the results.....the class average has gone up in math but english isnt tht good yet....

As always, we had a PTM after the papers were graded...the prize distribution still makes parents cry with pride and happiness.....Winners this time included Aliya (sorry for being biased but she is one of my fave kids in class).....

Aliya's mother passed away few months back...she never told me about it...one day in class, her best friend Chandani was arguing with her and asked her to swear on her Mom...and thats when Aliya couldnt hold back her tears and told me about her mom and how much she misses her...Her father left them as well...She stays with her elder sister and younger brother in her grandparents' house, who dont care about her or her siblings.....when Aliya received the prize for being a consistent performer....all she did was look at me and smile.....I wish her mom was there and she wished the same...

Another winner was Akansha (ok so I love the girls in my class)....this lil girl always has stories to tell me...extra class, break, transition time, etc. she just looks for the time I am free even for a minute and shares her stories with me.....another lil girl who showed improvement in English was Zahra.....she is the grandmom of our class.....the 2.5 ft person talks like shes 25! shes one of the cutest kids in my class...dont believe me? check out the pic! heres a fact about Zahra...she loves dressing up! she ensures her shoes are clean and that her hair is tied up neatly and that her sister puts kajal in her eyes everyday!

We also had a special prize for Sameer....Sameer is supposed to be in class 4 as he has cleared class 3 in a private school....his parents moved him to our school (municipal school) due to financial constraints....the pvt. school did not give him a leaving certificate and hence the municipal school put him in grade 2 and he will be moved to class 4 next yr...initially he had behavourial issues as he knew most things and was fast with work....things were so out of control that his mum beat him with an umbrella in school when she heard the complaints...but over the last few weeks Namita and I saw a major change in his behaviour....his work was always good but off late it became flawless and we thought of acknowledging him....Sameer and his mom both had tears in their eyes when he got the prize....Seeing them I couldnt hold back mine....This is one of the feelings I can never describe...its pure happiness...relief....pride....I don't know what.....but its a great feeling!

We also had a Diwali party on the last day.....the kids went crazy dancing.......the party was sponsored by a frnd of mine...who is reading this email but doesnt want to be named.....he also gave funds to get my classroom painted....yep my class now has brightly painted green and yellow walls...check out the pics.....I cant wait for the kids to see it!!

I also attended a training recently...TFI has undertaken a project with Gandhi fellows (these guys do trainings for teachers and Headmasters/HMs in rural areas) to change the mindsets of HMs in municipal schools.....the 2 day training took place in New Zealand hostel in Goregaon (I hope that clarifies my status on FB - Just came back from New Zealand:p )....during these 2 days we had the opportunity to understand and work with Beat officers, HMs, etc. mainly people who are above the HMs in the hierarchy....Most of them had been part of the system from last 20 yrs! the idea of the training was to make these people who are part of the system and us (TFI and Gandhi fellows) get to under understand each other since we all will be working together in future....When the training ended I realised thats its difficult to make ppl accept your perspective let alone change theirs....On being told that there are teachers in Municipal schools even today who hit children with scales, etc. these officers denied it flatly....On the other hand I met Gandhi fellows, an extremely inspiring lot of youngsters....these guys work in rural areas for development in education and communities....they train HMs and teachers....teach kids...work with villagers.....and do alot more.....

Since I am on vacation, I will not bore you anymore over emails....its about time I met some of you and bored you in person...

Before I sign off...heres the recent funny thing that happened in class....One day while the whole class was quietly doing their work...Faiyan suddenly walked upto me and said.. "Kashiyan, mujhe tang kar raha hai"...when I asked what happened....he said "Meri Khala (aunt) ka naam Munni hai aur wo Munni badnaam hui gaa raha hai!!!" I dint know how to react....kids i tell you!

With the hope of seeing you guys soon, I say bye for now!

Happy Diwali to all of you!

After a long time...

2010-10-12T00:55:00.000-07:00

I havnt been able to write for sometime since I was busy running arnd, travelling and shifting....Last month has been chaotic, exhausting, confusing, tiring, killing, exciting, happening.....i could go on and on...For all those who don’t know I came to Delhi on the 10th of Sept for just the weekend....Dint inform anyone since it was a surprise visit for my parents and a short one too......My major reason of coming to delhi was to see my parents since I had not seen them in 5 months.....I was done with investing my children’s parents and it was about time i invested in mine.....

My other excuse for coming to Delhi was a TFI event - "Meet-a-Fellow"......met some potential applicants and helped clarify their doubts....

Two days after i returned from Delhi I went to Pune to meet up with friends.... Was in Pune for exactly 24 hours and met about 15 people....dint get to sleep for more than 45 mins or so....

I thought both these trips would give me a break but i guess there is no such thing as a break in a TFI fellows life....I am constantly thinking of things I can do in class...stuff that is incomplete....etc.etc..sort of gets on my nerves at times....

Anyway, the school highlights were the second unit assessments on which my kids did badly! Thanks to the rains first and then the festive season (Ganesh Chathurti and Eid) and huge amount of holidays we had low attendance and for almost 3 weeks I was unable to teach much (thats about 53 hours of wasted time!!!)

Yet there were some kids who showed massive improvement....Sameera and Harendra were among the best endeavourers for the month!!

Sameera is the only kid who comes to school regularly...she loves school so much that she even came for extra classes when she wasn’t evn asked to...rain or storm...nothn stops her from coming to school....I remember twice she stepped into class soaked to the bone but still smilingJJ

During a visit to her home Namita and i found out that her parents had been through major financial crisis and her father had to move to Gujarat to find work leaving his family (6 children and a wife) behind in Mumbai. Her mother told us how their relatives wanted to adopt Sameera to give her a better life but the kid dint want to leave her parents.

I dint cry on that story...What moved me was the tears I saw in her Sameera's mother's eyes when her lil girl won the prize for the Best Endeavour of the month...I dont think any feeling can compare to what a mother feels when she sees her child do well...

One of the sweetest moments of the month was when Kashiyan came up to me after the PTM and kissed my hand....it was his way of thanking me since he had got the prize for highest marks in English....

We had invited the corporator of the area, Sarika Austen (part of congress) for the prize distribution and she gave a simple msg to the parents - Love your kids when they do well...hug them and let them know that you are proud of their achievements no matter how small or big they are.....

After the PTM got over, few of my kids took the corporator to the area behind the school where there is alot of muck and water gets accumulated and explained to her about the problems we were facing due to the unhygienic conditions...The most amazing line was said by Zahoor - "Ma'am, isske baare mein kuch kariye varna hum school nahi aayenge!!" (Kids are awesome with threatening!)

My kids are participating in a competition called Design for Change....they are supposed to pick up a problem and solve it...so we chose the problem of not having a clean school and home...so they spoke to the corporator, took a day and cleaned their entire class (including removing cob-webs)...i havnt seem them as united as they were when they were cleaning their class.....we also took them into the community area around the school as part of the cleanliness drive and they cleaned up streets and shouted slogans, asking people to keep their roads and surroundings clean....there were people who were curious, some who found it funny, but nothing deterred the kids and they went on doing what they had set out to do....i almost got into an arguement with someone when they said it is the job of adults and not children to do this..all i said was - When adults forget their responsibilty children take it on... my class now understands the need for cleanliness and hygiene.....

Last month we also celebrated my co-teacher Namitas bday...the kids and i made a card with our handprints on it and stuck her pictures on it and everyone signed it....we did most of this infront of her....yet she pretended to be surprised.....a parent sent a cake fr her...few kids also got cute gifts for her....it was an awesome day and we all went to play in the school compound.....

Off late I have also had a lot of volunteers coming to my class....infact any person i meet or speak to, i make sure i invite them to my class...so you all are invited to my class as well.....but know that it wont be easy...i feel all my senses are being tested to the limit...the noise level makes me wish i had ear plugs....the amount i have been stretching my throat makes me lose my voice everyday....my nose cannot differentiate good and bad smells anymore.....and more than anything my eyes are tired of staring at the computer screen for completing deliverables....i need a break and i am really looking forward to Diwali vacations....

Oh btw, I have shifted my house....I no more live near the beach:(.....and the view from my balcony now is of a slum! thats real mumbai...opposite every high rise there is a slum....the heat is also killing......i guess ppl were right in saying that if u survive in this city you can survive anywhere in the world.....the only good thing iv liked abt mumbai so far are the plays - I saw 'Get rid of my wife' recently

I am off to school now...took a half day off since i wasnt feeling well...the weather can really bog you down!

Go thru the pics if u find time.....also, do write back and tell me whts up with ur life...fr all those who have been marking my mail and thinking that they will write back one day some day...do it now!

Oops...before I forget...Its very weird for me to ask this...but I require funds for my school....I want to get my school painted, get the toilets fixed and get the ground behind the school cleared out so that the kids have a place to play.....If you can please help me with this...let me know if you are interestd and il give you more details....just know that its not a compulsion.....but if you do want to help in anyway, even by donating books or stationery, it will be great.....

Also, if you know ppl in Mumbai who would like to volunteer in my class and take on the responsibility of one kid by teaching them every week for some hours during school hours please let me know......

People do want to change things....

2010-09-17T12:09:00.000-07:00

I attended a seminar on education last month - InspirED...The opening ceremony or as they call it 'One night in India's most innovative classroom' was based on the theme of pencils..how pencils can be used for innovative teaching....For alot of us who left school years ago, the opening night took us back to school. The play performed at the opening showed that children learn the most when they are having fun. Keeping them engaged is not an easy task and that imagination can do wonders.....I also realised that India has come a long way from the way education is imparted...not only are people from all walks of life thinking and talking about reforming education system but have also started moving the wheels of change...

The guests for the evening included hotshots such as Ashish Kumar Singh (Additional Municipal Commissioner, MCGM), Mrs. Indu (Sheriff of Mumbai), Karan Khemka, (Head-Mumbai, Parthenon Group), Nisa Godrej (Executive Assistant, Godrej Group), Neha Hiranandani (CSR Head, Hiranandani Group) and Aditya Natraj (Program Director, Pratham).

The most interesting bit of the evening was a Jeopardy round with these famous students.... Here's a quote unquote from them....Nisa Godrej believes that one of the ways of supporting and expanding educational reform is by supporting social entrepreneurial projects.....Neha Hiranandani on being asked if educational reform was work of civil society and not govt.alone, said - Corporate India are like ATMs; If we can get shampoo sachets to every household, why not vaccines and education?

According to Aditya, the 3 common things between a teacher and a leader are belief in self, belief in people and belief in change.....Teaching is Leadership....

Karan Khemka's answer to the question - How do you teach imagination was simple - Not in a classroom.....

The 3 skills children will need in future? Ashish after alot of thinking said - Compassion, commitment and hardwork....

Mumbai's sheriff adding a little humor to the evening said - That the most innovative way of teaching currently would be teaching on Facebook....cos students seem to be spending more time on that than anythn else...She also said that teaching should not be about a teacher teaching what he or she knows or likes...it should be about how the student wants to learn...."Teach me the way I want to learn and not the way you want to teach"....Things that can help the education system progress faster include holding teachers accountible, ensuring educators become more responsible, dropping "chalta hai" attitude and most importantly teaching by example...

I believe it is important that people are sensitised to the issues being faced by the education sector....and I am glad that people are willing to do whatever it takes to make that change than just sit back and talk about it....

Being a teacher and creating the domino effect....and yeah the locus of control...

2010-09-04T23:26:00.000-07:00

I don’t know if any of you know about the domino effect where one thing falls and slightly pushes another making it fall and then this continues....My dream about change or rather idea of transformation was always this.....I impact one life and that one life will impact one more....Today I feel I have done that .....when I see some of my friends a little changed...wanting to do so much more in life I feel I have done a bit of my bit....When I see some of my students realising that its important to sit in a clean classroom and throw things in the dustbin I see that...When I see them stopping elder kids from stepping onto their desks I see that change.....When I see my kids trying to understand what I say in English and respond to my actions, I know that effort is showing....I realise that there is so much more to do yet it will all happen....one day, some day....

Today being Teachers’ Day is one of the happiest days of my life.....back in school I used to look forward to this day so I could watch my teachers perform on stage....and for giving them cards as acknowledging them for what they gave me was important to me even at an early age....

Maybe some of my junior school buddies know this...when I was in junior school we used to get circulars about holidays, homework, etc. to be given to our parents....the circulars would not have our principal or head teachers’ signatures.....I would sign it! I remember one of my friends asking why I did that and I said I wana start my school someday and it will be like this one...I will be the principal...I still have one of those circulars....I was 11 years old then...today after 12 years, I am finally a teacher....I’m living my dream each day...I’m with people and not machines trying to make a change somewhere everyday....I’m trying....and I know one day some day things will change...I might not live to see the change but I know I will see the early signs....as I see them everyday....

I wonder sometimes what did my teachers do that I turned out like this...I’m sure my teachers put in alot of effort in pushing me and my friends but how did they drive it...I will be indebted to them for life....Can never thank them enough.....

I’m also writing this to share about my recent community visits...due to the down pour in Mumbai I wasn’t able to visit any of my kids’ houses in the last 1 month...yesterday I went to 3...

My co-teacher and I walked to Zeenat’s house....Zeenat is one of the smartest and most hardworking kids in class....her schedule is something like this...tuition in the morning, then school till 5.45...then she goes to the madrassa at 8pm and comes back and does homework....the poor lil kid has hardly anytime to play! When asked about what she wanted her child to become, Zeenat’s mom replied, she wanted her daughter to teach in the local madrassa but not for money, as they don’t want her to do a job...Her mom is 24 years old...has 4 children including Zeenat, who is 7 years old.....which means Zeenat was born when her mum was just 17! What do I say...that I am here to change mindsets?? That I want my kids to break boundaries and start a new world for themselves? When they are stuck in such shackles of religious dogma and society??

Next I went to Sameera’s house...she doesn’t have a father...her mom takes care of her and her sisters.....she wants Sameera to become a doctor....these moments make me realise that there is still hope....That somethings will change...that everyone will not remain stuck in the hell hole of life....

The last visit was to Farzana’s house....she and Mahek are 2 kids in my class who are mentally-challenged...infact, Farzana’s entire family suffers from this...she lost a sister last year....but the kid has no idea of whats happening around her...she is lost in her own world...when my co-teacher took her to the hospital to get psychological tests done, Farzana thought she had come to another school and when my co-teacher offered her food, her first question was – “Didi, break ho gayi?”....what do you say when you see so much suffering around you knowing that you can’t do anything ....should u feel helpless or should u become indifferent to it...

When I see kids like Devi so aware of the fact that her father is an alcoholic and doesn’t give any money at home...knowing that its such a traumatic situation and the kid is not aware of how grave it is....seeing her grow in such conditions how do I ensure that she grows up with a different set of values and knows whats right and wrong....where do I draw a line for my locus of control? Where do I begin and where do I stop? Where do I say that now I’m done?

I thought that all this will never overwhelm me...I’v seen it all but each day is a new learning, a new realisation...my journey seems to have just begun and I’m taking each day as it comes.....

For all those who have supported me till now thank you so much! You have no idea how much your words mean to me when I come back home tired and dead....feeling unwell or just overwhelmed with what I saw that day...I hope my kids are also lucky enough to find such support for their dreams...

When something happened for the first time.....

2010-09-02T09:58:00.000-07:00

Ever since I moved to Mumbai alot of things happened for the first time in my life..

I traveled in the local first time....(I do that twice every week now)
I played around with a kitten for the first time.....(she was extremely dirty and came into my class, but who cares)
I traveled in a tempo....(yeah we had to get some furniture home)
I taught kids....(I had always taught adults)
I cooked rajma.....or that I cooked (I'm still learning and experimenting)
I traveled alone late nights.....(Mumbai is quite safe)
I wore Indian clothes everyday for weeks.....(I never wore Indian till I was I was 17)
I washed utensils....(We didn't have a maid first month)
I bought stuff for my home from mattresses to cupboards (and all the furniture basically)....
I went shopping all by myself......(I hated shopping)
I thought of getting a dog.....(I'm hoping I will someday)
I walked into shit water......(and I mean literally).....
I went to Hard Rock Cafe in a suit! And clubbing in weird shorts! (No one in Mumbai cares about what you wear)....

I don't know how many more first times are yet to happen....but I think I'm surprising myself too much doing all this...

This one's for Bokai....

2010-08-29T02:55:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching 'Marley & Me'.....Haven't cried watching a movie in a long time...but this one really made me sob......The movie is about a newspaper columnist, his family and the most important part of his life - Marley, his dog......

While I was watching the end, I was remembering Bokai......

A few months ago, I became friends with someone who had an adorable dog named Bokai.....(which in Bengali means Stupid/Buddhu/Silly)....For all those who have known me for a long time know how much I despise animals, especially dogs and cats; I was basically scared of them......But Bokai was the first dog whom I patted and was not afraid of...He helped me get over my fear.....He was adorable and nicest dog I had ever met......He would sit on my feet at times and just wait to be patted.....Unfortunately, he was suffering from UTI (Urinary Tract Infection) and was constantly unwell and in pain.....

Its been 5 months I haven't seen Bokai....I'm in a different city now and not in touch with that friend anymore.....I have no clue how Bokai is doing.....But I am thankful to him for teaching how to love animals and helping me get over one of my biggest fears.....Infact I want to get a dog sometime when I know I will be able to takecare of him.......But I just wish I could pat Bokai once more.....

Place where I stay....

2010-08-22T10:29:00.000-07:00

So I've lived in a flat during college and it was on the 6th floor, very windy and nice.....and now again im staying in a flat....that is on the 4th floor...very windy and all....the good bit is you can see a beach from my balcony....Yes! there is a beach walking distance from my house...How many people are lucky to have that kind of view in cities that are more like concrete jungles now..... The place is pretty...Being an empty flat, me and my flatmate had to get everything on our own...Believe me it felt like we were a newly married couple shifting in here, buying stuff like cloth stand, water filter, chairs, cupboards n what not......But after the initial struggle of setting it up, its like the place I alwaz wanted...small, nice, cosy, silent, with a beautiful view and a balcony to sit at with a cup of tea......Compared to living in main Mumbai (with the amount of noise and crowd), my place is a blessing.....I just love it! (See pics and ul know what I mean)

View from my balcony...

Here's the unfortunate bit...we might have to vacate this place as the landlord is planning to sell it:( ....so before I say goodbye to my dream place I thought of sharing it with you......

My room....The soft board in my room...Sigh....I'll miss this place...The beach..........

My room

Just some pics.....

2010-08-16T12:12:00.001-07:00

Parent-teacher meeting, prize distribution and long faces!

2010-08-14T14:56:00.000-07:00

We had our monthly PTM (parent-teacher meeting) yesterday....Its great to see parents being so invested in their kids' progress.....we also had a small prize distribution for the kids who scored highest in math and english or had shown tremendous improvement....here are the reaction of parents....

Ameeruddin showed improvement in math...his mom couldnt believe...she said "mera ameer?? sahi mein?? isne acha kiya?? ghar mein to sirf filmein dekhta hai...isne kaise kiya??"

Sabrin showed improvement in english.......her mom told us that she goes home and starts studying and tries to do whatever she can...

Kashiyan's grandfather appreciated our efforts for doing whatever we can for the children....his Mom told me that she had never been to school but ensures he never misses a day.....

Alot of kids who did not receive any prizes, had long faces!! gosh it was an effort making them understand that they needed to do better.....I felt like a baby-sitter doing that! but its important for them to realise that hardwork does pay-off......and maybe being a little less naughty also helps....

Being a saturday, it was funday for the kids....the class coloured and put together a jigsaw of a peacock....(c pic).....There are so many things that have started exciting them....circling words they know in newspaper articles.....singing the song - This is the way we brush our teeth, brush our teeth, early in the morning...or the song - Aaj monday hai, aaj somwaar hai, kis-kisko bukhar hai.....seeing stars and smiling faces in their notebooks....but yeah u cant fool kids, they observe stuff more than you know.....a visitor to our class recently promised the kids that she will send sweets for them but after talking to my co-teacher she preferred getting them something more useful such as pencils and erasers...when Irfan, a kid in my class saw what was being distributed, he immediately turned to me and said, "Un didi ne to kaha tha toffee bhejengi, par chalo koi nahi pencil hi bhej di".....i was so surprised at his reaction!

This week in school just flew-by.....

Here is my progress on personal front...for all those who don't know I suck at cooking! But off-late Iv started doing a little bit of it...And I agree cooking really isnt rocket science...!(So I can now make pasta and rajma!)

Mumbai is still driving me a little crazy....the frequency of rain has reduced but the smell of moisture doesnt seem to leave the things at my place....Everytime I feel not ok about things, I remember the song....Find yourself.....

Would just want to leave you with the lyrics.......- When you find yourself...In some far off place...And it causes you to rethink some things...You start to sense that slowly you're becoming someone else...And then you find yourself....when you go through life so sure of where you’re headin'....And you wind up lost and it's the best thing that could have happened...‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way it's really just as well, because you find yourself.....Yeah that’s when you find yourself....

I'm hoping I'll find myself soon.....

P.S. For those of you have not seen Peepli Live...you can go for it...its one of the best satires I've seen....

Changing mindsets...perspectives.....and all that...

2010-07-31T14:42:00.000-07:00

I saw a very strange thing in school last 2 days....kids who cant read the word FRIEND yet...tied friendship bands to other people (including their teachers!)....strange how Archies has been able to reach out to even kids in a municipal school in a small place as malvani! Well just so the kids realise what they are doing as a small gesture actually holds a alot more meaning, I have decided to celebrate Friendships Day in my class on Monday.....I have got little ribbons for them to tie to each other:)

Another eye-opening incident that happened in school was during the staff get-together that took place today...Municipal schools have last day of the month as half day.....So we TFI fellows organised a little get-together for our teachers on Saturday morning.....we knew that the teachers were being all nice to us but we also knew they had a lot of questions regarding what we are here for...So we started the session with giving our introductions.....and answering questions......Well it led to a huge discussion during which we realised that even though the staff members were being nice to us, but they were not comfortable with the idea of having us around.....each teacher in our school handles about 80-100 kids all alone and we are handling 80 kids between 2 fellows....they feel that our kids will be able to progress this way and they will have to face competition and being compared to us.... since these teachers have completed B.ed or D.ed, they also feel that people from other fields or those who have worked in the corporate world are not good enough to teach kids....they prefer having teachers who have degrees....These teachers have families to take care of and so much of administrative work that they are bound to lose it at times....While we fellows tried our best to empathise with them, we realised that it will take alot of time for us to change their mindsets....

The session continued with an activity and then refreshments for everyone....

Btw, I got a shock when after the meeting we saw a 3.5 ft long snake in school!!! yeah it was scary and disgusting!! I despise snakes to the core so will not write more on this!

Anyway, this is all I have for now....will write again soon!

Happy friendships day!:)

Its weird....

2010-07-31T14:06:00.000-07:00

Its 2 am while I write this....Its a strange world......And its got very little to do with my work.....Its more to do with the people I know....I get a call from a friend last night telling me indirectly that there is a probability she'll be married soon! Another one called me at 3 am last night and told me what a sad life he was leading....After talking to both of them I was thinking about how strange life is.....everyone goes through so much everyday and all that they do affects the people around them greatly.....so many of us carry our past with us everywhere we go....and relationships are becoming so superficial....when you need people the most you rarely reach out to them....the world is becoming hard to stay in....

My reason of writing this note today is just to make people reach out to just one person they left behind while moving on fast with life.....that one person who mattered alot long ago but then you lost touch....I wish people dint move away so fast so soon....I wish I still had all the people who count(ed) next to me even today....but I guess you cant have everything you want in life.....But stopping once in awhile and looking back does make you smile truly....

I went to visit my students' house....

2010-07-19T03:17:00.000-07:00

Im sorry for being late in writing to you....Just have been too caught up with things....Life’s tough in this city... but then it came by choice so i don’t regret it....Everytime I feel down I remember Bazz Luhrmann’s video Sunscreen...for all of you who havnt please check it out.....There is a line in that song – Live in Southern California once but leave before it makes you soft, Live in New York City once but leave before it makes you hard....I think Pune made me soft and now Mumbai is making me hard.....

Before i tell you about whats been up in school...I checked out the night life in Mumbai....clubs all over the city open till 5 am....i went to 2 over the weekend....and also checked out the beach near my house....Mumbai has dirty beaches and whose to blame but us!

Anyway, the last week has been my best week in school so far....Alot of kids in my class have started responding and have picked up counting....Iv become more positive about things and enjoy classes instead of taking it too seriously....Learning can be fun...i always knew this but have finally realised it....

Here are the small incidents that made me smile last week.....

- When Kamraan invited me over to his place and was excited when I finally did go with him...

- When Saif held my hand throughout the 30 minute walk to his place, jumping over puddles, pushing sheep out of his Didi’s way to show her his cute little hut...

- When Saif’s Mom told me that he hated going to school last year but now he drags them to drop him to school

- When Shehzaad finally figured out that 75 comes after 74 and the counting pattern...(even though this just lasted a day)

- When Kaif and Raza started responding in class and sat quietly and answered every now and then....Whereas they would sleep in class otherwise...N i mean literally!

- When Zheenat told my co-teacher Namita that hearing stories from Didis is like her Mum telling her stories at home...

- When Faiyan said that the community leader or “neta”(in his words) were there to make gutters and thats it

- When Simran got me a pen out of her pocket money....and said its because she likes me...

- When the class started using the words “Thank you” everytime they took something from me...

- When Kamraan learnt how to say “May I go to toilet” properly...that is the favourite question of my class right now...

- When Irfan jumped to answer at every opportunity to get points for his team....

- When the class randomly started cheering for every person who stood up to answer

- When one day I walked into class and saw everyone cleaning up on their own without Didi telling them to...(see attached photo)

I don’t know how to describe my feelings at everyone of these moments....Small things like these make life worth living all over again...Satisfaction is an understatement when it comes to explaining what teaching gives me...

I also visited the houses of Kaif and Raza (they are twins)....Im attaching a picture of their community...They live in a small hut with tinned roof without electricity..people in the house – grandmother, their mother, father, one elder brother and a toddler sister....raza suffers from a calcium deficiency because of which his legs hurt and there are days when he is unable to walk...yet he walks 40 minutes to get to school....Sometimes I wonder how can i ask these kids to dream about big things when i know their condition back home...but then i realise its unfair if they are not allowed to dream...a guest lecturer at TFI once said – you can have all the excuses in the world and blame that things are not ok with you and thats why you couldn’t achieve something but then its still you who couldn’t do it...no one else is losing anything....and so i would want my kids to dream and do their best no matter what the conditions are like....

Another visit was to Kamraan’s place...3 brothers and the 4th one on its way to the world....Thankfully his family is a little better off as their Dad runs a very small kirana store....

I also went to Yasmin’s house....12 yr old...finished clases upto 6th Standard in Urdu medium now in 2nd standard in English medium....her mother abandoned her and her siblings when she was 6....the father doesn’t live with them either....an aunt takes care of her.....she bunks school alot....is reprimanded at home all the time...what do i do in situations like these? How do i explain to the child that she is not to be blamed for what her parents did to her....

The last visit was to Saif’s house....he was super excited and offered me biscuits and water when i went to his place....His house is half the size of my room....and he walks half an hr to gt to school everyday....whoever said our ancestors walked miles to get to school.....these kids are still doing it....

Namita and i took 4 kids to Crossword on Saturday as an incentive for having full attendance...A friend of mine dropped us so they also got a chance to sit in a car....they were so happy and lolling all over the kids section trying to check out books with pictures and asking questions about things they saw...I so knew what they felt like....same feeling I had when I was gifted my first book – Secret Seven by my uncle....

So that was one more week at school between running for trainings, making charts and worksheets...

I forgot to mention we conducted the Diagnostic tests for my class....Math average is 13 whereas English is 3-4.....believe me these are just numbers the situation is worse...But I know one day, some day...they will get it!

Another week at school!

2010-07-19T03:16:00.001-07:00

Mumbai is the weirdest city to live in!! every now and then there is a strike or it pours down badly! recently there was a transport strike which means no autos and taxis....i had to go 15 kms to city fr attending a training....thnx to the amazing bus system i was saved bt it poured so badly tht i ended up geting soaked by the time i reached school!

We also conducted our first parent-teacher meeting! out of 160 kids, some 53 parents turned up....al concerned yet hopeful tht we might b able to help change things...here are some of the stories i heard from parents:

My children dint study a word last year cos they dint have a teacher last entire year

When we told them to ensure 100% attendance they said the teachers had told them last year nt to send their kids to school if it rained hard...

My 6 yr old daughter and 10 yr old son both are in ur class cos one gt admitted late and also missed a year...

My daughter has a mental disorder...

My son has never seen his father and is sensitive abt it

and many more.....these might not seem a big deal from an adult perspective bt are deeply concerning issues...

Another one of my first time evers last week was tlking to kid and explaining that there is nothn as failure, when he scored less on a paper....

Another interesting bit was meeting writer - Subroto Bagchi.....(his book - Go kiss the world)...was interesting...here is his definition of Change = Pain+Vision+Roadmap+Action...any comments on tht??

Mumbai rains can drive anyone nuts...im attaching a few pics of wht happened in school wen it poured non-stop yesterday...my class was flooded so was most of the school.... We had an attendance of 50 combining the whole school!!( 7 out of 87 in my class) so we made the kids draw their hand impressions and watch taare zameen par....

week 2 & half in mumbai!

2010-07-19T03:15:00.000-07:00

im finally in mumbai at my own place (its rented! i cant really afford one here!)

anyhow, the transition from pune to mumbai has been a great one!

living with 100 fellows and then its just u and ur classroom...i do see some of them during trainings on tuesday and thursday but even then we are alwaz rushing....

Finding a place in Mumbai was a pain...getting to other places around the city was another...heres something i realised while traveling on a local one day...

Locals are the life line of mumbai...the city also has an amazing bus system...that comes in handy especially when there are auto and taxi strikes...The city is full!! here are some of the nitty-witty things about the mumbai...the auto guy charges you exactly one rupee less than what comes on the meter...the ladies compartment of the local is never the same the next morning...it gets shifted..also it is one compartment that has most fights for seats...places in mumbai are far flung yet ppl talk as if they are next door....and an hour of travel is nothn for anyone...the weather is so weird that after bathing you dont know if it is the sweat or the water thats keeping you wet...it rains anytime, n mostly wen ur not carrying an umbrella or raincoat....evn though there is so space in the train for people to stand a certain sect of ppl alwaz find enough space to play musical instruments...the houses have space constraints, infact almost everything does....the cost of buying a flat is almost as if you want to set up a five star hotel...bang opposite every posh colony there is a slum!

tht was about the city...heres whts been happening at school....

lik i told u in my last mail, i am the class teacher of grade 2 in MHB English Municipal School (MHB- Maharashta Housing Board)...my coteacher is Namita Goel whose been part of TFI for a year now...

The first day of school was AMAZING! we had 28 kids (thats a big turn out being the first day after summer vacations)...the next day there were 50...n yesterday after 1.5 weeks 160! bt the first day was unlike any of my summer school days...the class was quiet...n excited:) and so were we....

Day 2 was crazy...it had rained non-stop in mumbai...and the school was flooded...worse was so were the toilets...i actually walked into water with unknown things floating in it to get to class.....its weird bt i have grown indifferent to situations lik these...i tk any path that gts me to the class...n thts abt it!

with the increase in attendance its been getting tough to gt the kids to settle....our classroom gets shifted every few days since we share classroom with gujrati medium kids....yeah the school has marathi, hindi, gujrati , urdu and english medium classes, which run in 2 shifts of 7am to 12.30 am and 1 pm to 5.45 pm......i work in the afternoon shift so have enough time to plan in the morning.....

my class is adorable! bt then there are things tht put me in a differnt state with regard to the kids...most of them cant read alphabets...ask them to write abcd n they can till z...bt cannot read letters individually.....very few of them can write counting till 50....bt cant differentiate between 14, 41 and 40...its all the same fr them......alot of them cant write their name.....some of them write the mirror image of their name since they are learning Urdu at home and get confused...oh i forgot to mention 90% of them are Muslims.....

As for parents...some parents are keen that their kids should get educated...for others its lik a creche.....I recently visited the house of a kid named Zahreen....being a girl, her family is least concerned how and when she comes to school...she is 6 yrs old and can tell stories lik a granny...bt is deprived of love at home.....she is adorable.....the community where she stays is filthy....she walks abt a km to gt home.....imagine a 6 yr old doing tht.....

week 3 @ TFI

2010-07-19T03:12:00.002-07:00

Week 3 was very happening...more so because i had gone on a short trip to Bangalore.....

Last week i had received an email from Symbiosis Institute for Media & Communication , Bangalore for a GD n PI for MBA in Communications Management.....For all those who dint kno I had given SNAP in december and was planning to do an MBA. I had already decided not to join SIMC right now since im having a ball at TFI! I still went for the process with the aim of getting it deferred by two years and joining SIMC post TFI. I reached Bangalore on Monday evening and met up with a few frnds. The next morning i went to Electronic City.....its lik 1 corner of the city! No auto guy kne where Symbi is! Anyhow, My GD went quite well....Cos the topic was "Will the Right to Education Act help India progress?" Talk about being lucky! I knew all possible stats! From drop out rates to the amount thts spent by the govt on education each year....bottomline, I made everyone at the GD fizz out....lol!

My interview lasted 5 minutes! The panelists included the director of SIMC Bangalore, the Deputy Dean, and some old gentleman who is an alumni of SIMC and now the CEO for an advertising firm in Bangalore. The first question was - "Tell us something about yourself and also why should we take you, and while you tel us that also tel us how were you so confident about the stats??" I told them about myself and then about TFI and why i kne the stats. The Ad guy - If you are already part of TFI and it is giving you all the skills you want then why have you come here? It is alwaz better to have on the job training rather than just acquiring knowledge. I told them about my deferrment plan and that the TFI CEO would also speak to them. Director - But we dont have such a policy. And besides you should look out for an international university after TFI. Why would you come here? The Ad guy - We would love to give you the Symbi tag but now its on you to decide whether you want to be in TFI or SIMC. Mail us in 2 days and tel us. Thats it! And as many of you might have read my FB status...i refused:)

Bangalore had awesome weather! I met up with loads of friends. Watched a movie. Chilled out and came back to Pune on Wednesday early morning.

Since wednesday was TFI day we had team games the whole day!

Thursday was awesome! I saw my kids beaming at me when i stepped in for assembly and were asking where i had been.....I missed them so much! Im So happy that i dint take up MBA! Heres the other good bit about Thursday - We met Rahul Bose. TFI has Leadership Forums, in which people from various backgrounds are invited to address the Fellows. I was sitting in the front row at a distance of 3 ft or so from Rahul Bose. He was awesome!!! He told us about his journey of becoming a part of the socialist world......Pretty inspiring:)

Friday was the last day of week 2 at summer school....My class dint seem in any mood to study. I literally ran behind the kids to make them sit on their seats. Taught them addition....something most of them already knew. Its so weird my class scored an average of 78 in the addition test and i still feel i failed. Maybe it was because i really dint teach them and they knew it from before. Friday afternoon was awesome! We had art class for training! Yep, since a lot of us are not creative, we learnt different ideas we can use in class to keep the kids engaged. We did potato painting, hand painting, etc. I dont think iv been as excited about getting messy as i was that day! We had paint all over our clothes! The day ended with me n my friends sitting in the balcony eating dominos pizza!

Saturday was another leadership forum session with Mr. Anand who started Indicorps. Very very inspiring!! Later in the night me and my friends sat at the terrace and chatted up!

And today is laundry day! lol!! My whole room looks like a dhobi ghaat! Im off for getting food!

week 4&5 @tfi...n story moves to mumbai....

2010-07-19T03:12:00.000-07:00

Week 4 just rushed through....the only highlight was that i freaked out at

my class....ok for all those havent known me too well i get angry and i snap

badly.....so Monday to Wednesday my class absolutely drove me mad....none of

the kids were interested in learning; they were out of their seats all the

time....they kept talking all the time...jumped on benches....and what

not.....one of the kids Nihal drove me crazy! This lil kid has too much of

energy and so when he started troubling me too much i asked him to step out

of class for awhile, he went and locked all the classrooms from outside on

the ground floor.....it was both a funny and frustrating moment! My trainer

had to stand up at the window and shout out for help! A fellow from the

classroom next door gave us a call to unlock her classroom!

And dats when i absolutely lost it! I shouted at my entire class....so much

that i lost my voice....the kids dint get the words but they did get the

tone....and were quiet for the next 1.5 hrs till school got over....its a

different thing that i was very upset later! I went back the next day and

made things ok...so Thursday was the best day i have at summer school...my

class did really well on their short assignment! they finally understood

some lesson! Friday was ok too.....i was finally looking forward to week 4!

Week 4 was an experience in itself....my class was back to its original

self and i had to help them prepare a lil show for end of summer school and

the class was in mood to do that either....by Tuesday some kids had finally

started preparing a lil dance....bt i kpt feeling that i had lost out on

being a teacher...my kids loved jumping all over benches and lying down on

the floor....making them understand the value of minor things such as

cleanliness was an issue....

thursday i taught in another class.....cant explain what it felt like....ok

so i wasnt that bad a teacher...the new class was very interested in my

lesson and i taught them different types of claps (yeah we have these funky

clapping styles such as shooting star, firecracker, 'seal' of approval,etc.

il demonstrate those sometime)... Thursday was also awesome as the TFI staff

put up a lil show for the fellows which ended with free hugs and alot of us

crying (what do u do when there is a room full of ppl u care abt and you

know they wont be there after 2 days?!)

And then finally came friday....last day of summer school! My class did a

lil dance...heard the song 'in the jungle' from madagascar?? check out the

video! thts wht my kids did! the funny bit is...they had forgotten the

steps...so i went and stood behind where parents and other classes were

sitting and asked them to follow me.....alot of ppl turned and started

looking at me....mayb if u check out the attached video ul kno how funny i

looked doing it! (anythn fr my kids:):)) my class did really well...we evn

had a 2 minute skit on "king of the jungle" since that was our class

theme....

Now the best and most touching part of summer school...one memory i will

carry all my life.....at the end of the day, Nihal, the kid i scolded the

most came to me and hugged me and said "Didi, i will miss you".....i couldnt

control my tears...he wiped my tears and promised to be a good boy.....we

got an icecream and shared it...when it was time for him to go home he just

dint want to leave...it was tough for both of us to say bye:(

Iv spoken to Nihal everyday...he keeps checking if iv reached Mumbai safely

and how are other teachers from summer school doing....

Friday..something more happened.....there was a sesion on Child Protection

Policy....under the policy, a teacher cannot hit a child or even scold them

or raise their voice.....since me and my mini-cohort had handled the

toughest class, we were asked to share...that day i shared something that

took alot of effort...it was very difficult for me....it front of 99 fellows

and TFI staff heres what i said - " I failed...i failed at handling a class

of 20 kids, i failed at classroom management...i shouted at my class....i

was frustrated and not at my best while teaching....i did all i could...but

i failed".....i shared my experience with them and now im doing it with

you...believe me its not easy....and i have learnt what i should do and what

i shouldnt....

Saturday was fun...i had my last dinner with the TFI gang...50+ ppl at

Mcds...was super fun! dint want to say bye...i wish institute was

longer....Sunday was the closing ceremony....Chetan Bhagat was invited for a

small interaction as well......i dont know if any of you have read his

speech at the Symbiosis induction in June 2008...saw month, same

audi....just a differnt speech....weirdly i was there for both.....

I slpt thru sunday and monday mostly or caught up with a few friends.....it

was a weird feeling not being with a 100 ppl!:(

And came to Mumbai on Tuesday night...went house hunting today...havnt found

anythn....leme kno if any of u kno anyone in Malad....i saw my school...its

a dingy building...incase i dint tell u the name - MHB English Municipal

School and il b teaching grade 2 (55-60 kids) along with a

co-teacher....school starts on Monday for me:)

Heres what i think of Mumbai till now - Life in a metro...a city full of ppl

yet so empty....the sound of a fast local....or d dragging pace of a slow

one...Mumbai is the LA of India...its so full!!

week 2 @ TFI....

2010-07-19T03:10:00.001-07:00

Week 2 at TFI (Teach For India) was more killing than week 1! we were thrown into our classrooms with about 20-25 kids each. These kids have their summer vacations going on in their actual schools and are here for remedial sort of lessons but we handle everythn lik we would in a proper school. Believe me its not easy. To give you an idea of hw my typical day goes....I wake up at 5.30 am! I get ready n have breakfast...the bus leaves the hostel for school at 6.30 am and if you miss it you have to go on ur own....n since the hostel is on the outskirts of the city its impossible to get an auto!

We get to school at 7.30 and set up our classrooms...take attendance..have an assembly....teach 5 periods in a day(2 math and 3 english)...since we have teams of 4 ppl each we generally teach max 2 lessons....school ends at 12 and the bus leaves at 12.05pm.....we gt to the hostel at 1pm, have lunch and head for training at 2 pm....training ends at arnd 5 and then we make lesson plans....split wht objectives we will teach the next day....plan techniques....make charts...correct class assignments.....oh incase i dint tel u im teaching class 2!! this goes on till 12 am and in between we find time to have dinner, wash clothes, get xeroxs of assignments for the kids, print stuff.....etc.

I generally slp at arnd 1am every night!! so now i hope everyone will understand y havnt i found time to gt back to u.....

Believe me when i say all this not only physically n mentally draining but also emotionally draining!! i must have broken down 3 times last week.....n sobbed lik mad!! most of my kids dont understand english....they are unable to comprehend words or even read them.....i have failed bigtime in teaching the objectives i had set last week....they dint understand simple stuff.....n i felt dejected every single day wen school ended n i lined them up fr going home.........bt then everyday wen i step out of school some kid or the other shouts Ritika didi and waves me bye as i get on the bus and that makes me realise y am i here....n tht no matter how many times i fail i want to kp coming back for these kids.....i love my class!!

my successes of this week are very different from things i achieved in school, college n at work......my biggest success was wen a girl named saaniya who dint talk the first two days in class and was shy wen asked anythn, put up her hand the third day to answer and did a question on the board on the fifth day.....my other 'wow" moment was wen a lil boy named Jai in my class dint say a single english line the whole week and spoke in Hindi and Marathi purposely to trouble me and yesterday wen he was leaving for home he said " My father has come to take me"!

I felt overwhelmed when lil Harshada of my class stood in front of the class and spelled the word 'computer' and im amazed at how her eyes follow me wherever i am in the classroom.....i dont know how many of u will find this silly n how many can connect with it...but believe me no one can love you as unconditionally as these kids!

I mite be livin on yellow dal n rice fr every meal....there mite b lack of cold drinking water....its a pain to wash ur clothes.....i mite b failing at my lesson goals and unable to take the stress....but honestly its all worth it!!!

I've realised...

2010-06-23T06:47:00.000-07:00

That the only people who love you un conditionally are your parents...no matter how badly you mess up they will accept you..

That despite having 265 numbers on my phonebook and 500+ friends on Facebook, I never call anyone when I am sad, fearing that they will not understand....

That people suffering from heartbreaks don't require sympathy or time....they just require someone to hear them out...

That only those relationships last that are made by choice and not by chance...

That JK Rowling was right in saying - There is an expiry date to blaming your parents....; and i chose yesterday...

That its easier to forgive people than forgiving yourself...

That life is as complicated as you want it to be...Keep it simple...

That self-help books and counsellors don't help till you want to take a stand for your life...

That friends are important but too many of them can make you vulnerable...

That its good to be honest in a relationship but only to the extent that the other person can take it...

That 'love' is one word which is said more often than felt...

That when someone says 'I understand', they really dont but thats ok...as long as they're by your side...

That no one is perfect not even if you fall in love with them...

That we are all hypocrits in some way or the other...

That right and wrong are only perspectives...

That prayers are powerful and so I dont risk them...

That no matter how technologically advanced we become, nothing can give you the feeling of opening a new book and smelling it...

That most times I talk are out of need than want...

That when I feel bad and you tell me about other people going through worst situations, it doesn't make me feel any better...

That people I have fought the most with are also the ones I love the most...

week 1 @ TFI....

2010-05-22T14:08:00.000-07:00

Long time no see...lol!! im sorry for not keeping in touch! It feels like its been months since i saw you all last....the week went by so fast that i had no time to understand anythn....my day starts at 7 am everyday and ends arnd 1am....we start with breakfast every morning and end with dumb charades....thts the only fun time we hv in the whole day cos we have back to back training sessions...im learning to make lesson plans, class culture, managing students....n a lot more....whoever told me its going to be a break from the corporate world...believe me its more tough! I have deliverables to submit everyday which includes lesson plans, time tables, worksheets,etc. And it drains me mentally as well as physically and at times emotionally!

The first 2 days were crazy....we were taken to a BLP (below poverty line) community and had to interact with kids....i was extremely surprised to see some of the kids talking in English fluently....i went to the houses of some of them...believe me WE ARE EXTREMELY LUCKY to have all we want!!!! Day 2 we were left on the streets to clean up an area and create an art structure out of it...another team was asked to earn money without using their hands and legs!!! You wont believe they earned Rs.2000 by singing!! The idea of doing all this was to sensitise us and inculcate values. The last 3 days i have had an overload of information. So wont bore u with all tht.

If nothn else atleast i have learnt how to wash clothes on my own! The cafeteria food sucks and if ur late u miss out on it!! We’re staying at the I2IT campus in Hinjewadi, which is far from the city and we don’t have access to anythn....thankfully we got an early off today so i found time to write this mail. I still don’t have a pune no. So plz kp in touch thru my delhi no. I don’t find time at times to take calls or reply immediately so apologising in advance.